Role-modelling the behaviours you wish to see
The first time I admitted that I had fucked up, my manager at the time responded by saying “yeah, you did” and proceeded to slam his phone on the other end, ending the call. Although the self-admitted fuck-up turned out to be minor in the grand scheme of things, the lingering effect of my manager’s response was not. It took me years before I was able to own up to mistakes again. I spent those years blaming everything around me. Circumstances outside of my control, the environment around me, third parties, even other people. I believed it was important to project strength, competence, and unwavering confidence. I thought that a leader should know the answers.
But over time, I discovered that the people I was leading were exhibiting all of the same traits. As much as I told them it was okay to make mistakes, none of them ever admitted to one. They’d cover up, obfuscate, and blame circumstances outside of their control; the environment; third parties; even other people. And I hated it. More than once, I had to let go of people for reasons that could have been avoided with communication and dialogue. The team was struggling to deliver, and I felt it was my fault. I asked myself: how can I effectively lead a team who hides things from me?
It doesn’t take a particularly discerning reader to figure out what I did wrong. It’s rather obvious: through role-modelling the wrong behaviours, I had inadvertently created a work environment where those behaviours became the expectation and the norm.
When dealing with a struggling team or team member, you as a leader will have played a part in how the situation happened. Your team will observe your actions and behaviour and subconsciously do the same. To resolve the situation, you may need to start with yourself: you need to change how you act and behave before the team will.
Coincidentally, not long after my self-questioning, I changed roles and was given the opportunity of a clean slate. I started to incorporate new phrases into my vernacular:
“I don’t know.”
“I’m not sure.”
“I was wrong.”
“I messed up.”
I’d like to say that the effect was instant, but that would be a lie. It took some time, but eventually the same thing happened: my team started exhibiting the same behaviours as I was, except now they were the right ones. We saw ourselves communicate effectively, give each other crucial feedback, and most important of all: we were delivering. To this day, that team may have been the highest performing team I’ve ever seen.
Your team will take their cues from you—they will do as you do, not do as you say. Can you think of a time you role-modelled the wrong behaviours, and what impact did that have on your team?